I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
