Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
They have beer where we have blood.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
