my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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