I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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