We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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