so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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