What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
