She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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