Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
