Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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