Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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