So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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