It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
