I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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