Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
