So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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