you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
