When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
