I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
