Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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