you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
no, he came in my armpit
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Randomize