I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
