I puked a lego.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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