This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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