Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
