My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
