we're chasing vodka with high fives
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
