Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
