We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
