A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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