were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
