well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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