isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
