I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
