Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
