Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
