and i looked up. we had an audience...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
