Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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