Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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