i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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