Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
