PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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