Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize