My nipple is on Facebook.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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