Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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