I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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