Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
