Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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