that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hippo gnu deer
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
