Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
