I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
