if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
