discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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