You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
