Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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