He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
