i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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