You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
