Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
