I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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