im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
