he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
