my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize