and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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