NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
