nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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