I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
my shit smells like andre
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
