you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
