How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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