The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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