Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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