we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
