We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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