he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
