i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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