A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Randomize
