I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
