i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize