i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
