I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
