the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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