Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
