she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
