census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
