I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
