u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
