he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
