I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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