I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
