I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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