I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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