Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
