Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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