If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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