Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
