do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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