omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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