i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
