Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The air was thick with penises
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize