I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
