2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
