NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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