I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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