wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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