I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
