At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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