More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
