Plan B is the new Plan A
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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