Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You took a bar mat shot.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
