You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
