if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My cat gives me a boner
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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