i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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