I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
