I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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