apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
