party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
