Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
