So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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