i permit you to call me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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