Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
