One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
