I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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