It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i love accidental penises.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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