You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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